PSL (closed)

[1stknight]

[Honestly, being summoned was quite the surprise to Bedivere. Being a saber, he knew he was at a disadvantage. After all, there were so many more sabers even just from the Round Table who were much more famous, so surely they would have been summoned over him. In fact, he was sure it had happened countless times before. That one master he had met, the one from Chaldea, they had spoken of singularities and grail wars to span several worlds and timelines. And with so many fine Sabers to choose from, he was sure that he hadn't ever been summoned before. The short time between the 'creation of his legend' and 'now' notwithstanding.

It made him feel a touch inadequate, if he was being truthful. After all, he was a simple knight. The master who had summoned him, he deserved better than someone like him. But if he was the one who was summoned, then he would fulfill his duty to this new master. Nothing would be done in half-steps, never again.

So as his form solidified in the summoning circle, Bedivere offered his new master a warm smile. Once again, his life was sworn to someone else's. Whatever his master wished for, Bedivere would help him achieve it.]

Saber, Bedivere. I am honored to be summoned by you. From now on, I shall be your Servant.

['I am honored to be summoned at all' was the truth, but he didn't speak that.

Then he paused, and he took a survey of the situation. The summoning circle was expertly made, but this man in front of him...well. He didn't look like a mage. He looked like a normal person. Perhaps it was a disguise? Or maybe there was more to this situation than he could see immediately. He would have to wait for his new master to respond in order to find out more.]

Comments

[neverwashere]

[He snickered. Sorry, but - what roasted the vegetables now?]

An ashy, sulfur-infused delicacy, for sure.

[The description of these different worlds, though, gave him pause. They kind of reminded him of the Book, if not something straight out of a sci-fi novel.]

And would the people in one world be cognizant of their counterpart? How do you even manage cross-dimensional travel?

[Bedivere's hair was certifiably tangle-free now and Dazai's hands might've slowed, but he was a little reluctant to stop.]

[1stknight]

[It was fine, Bedivere certainly didn't protest the extra attention to his hair. It felt very nice, and Bedivere was tempted to lean back against Dazai because of how relaxed he felt. But that was a bit too improper for him, and instead he stayed sitting politely.]

I don't think they were, no. Merlin's magic is what allowed me to visit several different worlds. I...had to find someone, and he insisted on helping me.

Though my travels are done now, so I suspect I will not be seeing those worlds again anytime soon.

[neverwashere]

I see.

[Then perhaps Bedivere had found who he was looking for, or he'd died. Or both, and not necessarily at the same time.

Dazai gently gathered Bedivere's hair and lifted the strands under the pretext of readying them for another run with the comb, and valiantly resisted kissing Bedivere's nape.]

I'm glad you found help, then. Your journey must've been very long.

[And lonely, he doesn't add, thought it's a very near thing.]

[1stknight]

It was. Fortunately the magic from Excalibur allowed me to live long enough to travel. For as long as it was, it was also necessary.

[And very, very lonely. Even though he had met countless people in his journeys, he never really felt close to any of them. Merlin was the only one he had talked to regularly.

Ritsuka, maybe. That teenager was special, But ultimately their time working together was short, and they had to part ways. Maybe Bedivere would be summoned by them, someday.]

I'm no stranger to wandering, though. It affords me the chance to see many things that most people could only dream of.

[neverwashere]

[And now, his fingers stilled, breath caught in his chest.

Why - there was something he's been wondering about for quite a while, no? Bedivere's personality and circumstances were vastly different from his own - having a goal probably helped - but.]

Given everything you've witnessed and experienced, how do think people find what it means to live?

[He couldn't help how pensive he sounded, or how everything around them seemed so quiet. If Bedivere turned around, he'd get a rare chance to see an openly lost expression on Dazai's face.]

[1stknight]

That's a very personal question, Master.

[Bedivere's response there was quiet, but also gentle. He wasn't reprimanding Dazai or pulling away, but rather trying to open up a discussion in a way that hopefully wouldn't ruffle feathers.]

Of all the people I have met, everyone's answer has always been different. Likewise, my answer will be different from yours. "Why am I alive" isn't an easy answer, it's a personal journey.

But if you're looking for a place to start finding that answer, "because there's something I must do" isn't a bad place to begin.

[neverwashere]

Is it?

[He had phrased it in such a way that'd allow Bedivere to give a general answer. Then again, this was Bedivere, and speculating about another person's business might be seen as rude.

The same went for his next question, a distinction he kept circling back to before he followed Odasaku's advice.]

And what if one doesn't really think there's anything they're supposed to do?

[Perhaps part of his difficulty lay in finding whatever constituted as definite proof. Nothing of that sort objectively existed in concrete reality, and Odasaku was also right in that regard: Dazai might not find the kind of answer he was looking for.]

[1stknight]

Then I suppose the first step is finding that thing they're supposed to do. We're all born for a purpose. Sometimes people figure out their purpose right away, and sometimes people spend decades trying to find that purpose.

[There was a short pause, and then Bedivere's gaze dropped down a bit. Even if his back was to Dazai, his body language was easy to read. He was talking about difficult memories.]

Even something like "I made a mistake, and I need to rectify it" can be your purpose for living.

[neverwashere]

[Saying something like everyone's born with it had troubled him when he was younger. Who determines what, for one? And it sounded so utilitarian! Then one had plenty of people claiming that so-and-so was one's purpose, but that's only because it suited their ends.

The years passed, and Dazai figured that the language of the phrase was convenient shorthand for something, because he's seen certain people shine and do a couple of things they were passionate about like they lived and breathed it. Also, certain people he surrounded himself with growing up with were actually worse than his decidedly uncharitable first impressions of them.

In a way, Bedivere steering him back to the age-old adage was kind of funny, and he couldn't help but crack a smile.]

I guess. Though it's not the same as making it so that the damage doesn't exist.

[Because that was impossible. He knew that intimately.

Perhaps the moment had gotten the better of him, because he found himself leaning forward, resting his forehead at the center of Bedivere's back.]

You really went all-out with the shampoo, didn't you?

[1stknight]

[Bedivere would have said something like that: that erasing the damage was impossible, and all you could do was try to fix the situation as much as possible. But then he felt a face pressed against his back and oh, he was smelling his hair. This was intimate. Bedivere exhaled a sudden breath before speaking.]

Ah- M-master?

[He sounded both surprised and a touch flustered there. This was just like out of his romance novels.]

[neverwashere]

[He chuckled and closed his eyes. What an unfairly cute reaction.]

Just resting my head.

You're a surprisingly reliable pillow under all the metal plating, you know.

[A flimsy excuse. He really sucked at doing casual with someone like Bedivere, and he hasn't exactly forgotten why the both of them just bathed.

Make use of their limited time together, indeed. Well, Dazai could try and stave off his sudden bout of wistfulness by adding levity to his tone and not think about how he was, in a way, still trying to not get his hopes up.]

Now, seeing as your hair's all nice and smooth now, why don't you tell me all about mana sharing? Is there a specific requirement for it aside from an orgasm?

[1stknight]

[Somehow the first half there was far more embarrassing than the second. Flowery language like that got to Bedivere, it seemed. He swore he could feel his face burn as he tried to answer Dazai's question, his thoughts wandering with just how effective of a pillow he could be for Dazai.]

It's- it's more about the physical contact than the results, honestly. Sex is a very raw bond between two people, and that bond is what allows the mana to pass between the two of them.

[Maybe if he focused on the technical aspect of it all he wouldn't be so embarrassed.

(That was a lie, he was absolutely still embarrassed.)]

[neverwashere]

[Bedivere's preference for flowery language was well noted for future use. Dazai might not have seen that blush, which was a shame, but he certainly heard that stutter.]

Then it's the intimacy that matters, hmm?

[Well, he could work with that.

He'd be depressed once Bedivere left or if they lost, but he could work with that.

Dazai shuffled around so he could sit in front of Bedivere. Already he missed the closeness of their earlier position, but this was the kind of conversation that needed to happen face-to-face.]

Let's start off simple, then. Would you like to touch me first? Or would you prefer I lead, then you try?

[A basic exploration of each other's bodies with hands was a good way to kick things off. His selfishness aside, Dazai figured it'd be better for Bedivere to be more comfortable in his skin while doing this first before anything else.]

[1stknight]

[Time to set aside worries about 'what comes after' and appreciate the moment. Because first times made Bedivere anxious and he was likely going to get performance anxiety.]

It might be best for you to lead. I, ah, only have one hand to touch you with. And, um. I am unsure of what to even do here. Neither of us are women, so what do we do without a 'delicate flower' to, ah, you know.

[And he didn't even know where he should be touching. Did they go right for the dicks? Was that how to have sex?

Yeah, he had no experience and not the best sex education. Help him, Dazai.]

[neverwashere]

[He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snickering - it was a very good thing Yosano wasn't anywhere in the vicinity - although some of his amusement showed in his smile.]

Since sex isn't just for procreation, we're not restricted to the that. Mind you, there's a way for two men to have penetrative sex, but let's save that lesson for another day.

[Because that would require a little more cleaning and preparation if Bedivere wasn't turned off by the idea.]

Anyway, the good news is that having only one hand won't affect how well you touch me.

[Here, he kept his left forearm behind his back, so he'd have a similar restriction. Then he lifted his right hand, stopping when there was about a centimeter between his fingers and Bedivere's cheek as a way to telegraph.]

I'll start now, yes? I expect you to be honest and tell me if you feel like you're uncomfortable or if I'm going too fast. I'll also be checking in if you're okay with me doing certain things - for example, a person who was almost choked to death before might not want their neck touched. The point is to attain mutual enjoyment using actions that we both agree are okay to take.

If, at any moment, you feel like moaning, you're more than welcome to. Just don't be too loud since we don't have the luxury of having sound proofed walls.

[Just making sure he had the basics covered.]

[1stknight]

[Bedivere, who knew nothing of how gay sex worked, had Questions. But those were questions for another day, since it sounded like Dazai had something else in mind.]

I'll try my best to keep up with you.

[To show he was serious there, he reached up to cup Dazai's cheek, much like what Dazai was doing to him. He actually touched the side of Dazai's face though.

And then his face got very warm when Dazai mentioned moaning. So casual!]

I-I will keep that in mind, yes.

[Atsushi, in his apartment, knowing what will eventually happen because he's already lived it and trying his best to give Dazai and his past self some privacy.]

[neverwashere]

This isn't a contest, but I can reassure you now that your stamina likely will outlast mine.

[He knew what Bedivere meant, though, and the hand on his cheek couldn't make things more clear. It was a bold move, which made Dazai wonder how intense Bedivere could be in bed, once they were past the learning curve.

That was a salaciously entertaining thought to have as he brushed his fingers down Bedivere's cheek, as light as a butterfly, extending to his jaw then a straight line downwards from neck to exposed clavicle.and delicately traced down.]

Good.

Disrobing can come later.

For now, I want to appreciate what you feel like in a yukata.

[He tried to not make it sound like a confession, but he failed to completely obscure his interest.]

[1stknight]

How I feel in a...

[Another lewd comment, one that made it hard to concentrate with how hot and bothered it made him feel. Bedivere had quite the imagination, and what he lacked in experience he made up for in creativity. Even if he didn't know what it was like to be touched, Dazai's hand there filled in the gaps where his imagination was lacking.

He couldn't even match Dazai's touch there. Instead of trailing his hand down sensually, he just moved it to place it over Dazai's chest, pressing it to whatever exposed skin or bandages were visible at the collar of his yukata. Feeling Dazai's heartbeat, that's what made this feel real.

Bedivere's own heart was racing in anticipation, sweat starting to form at his brow.]

D-do you like what you feel?

[neverwashere]

[It was hard to miss Dazai's sharp inhale and the rapid beating of his heart. Feeling the hand on his chest made his cheeks color - he hadn't expected Bedivere to go for his heart, but that's what made this rather dangerous for his health, no?

He nodded sharply, any attempts at verbal confirmation getting stuck in his throat because that'd make this all too real, and he leaned closer, tipping his head up to whisper sensually in Bedivere's ear and hide his expression.]

You catch on pretty fast.

[He dragged his hand down lower, hooking his finger on the fold of Bedivere's yukata to tease him, and went lower still without pulling to trace idle patterns on the other's abdomen.

Dazai's brain shorted a little. They felt nicely toned.]

[1stknight]

[That was close enough to make Bedivere shiver, the breath warming his face far more than he expected it to. he had a thing for praises, it seemed, and that knowledge felt dangerous.

He did jump a bit in place when he felt that hand on his abdomen. It tickled, a little, but it also just felt sensitive in general. He was indeed nicely toned though, as the previous quick views of him shirtless may have given away. A lifetime of swordfighting and adventuring meant being in shape, and while he didn't look imposing in his armor it was hard to miss his body outside of it.

He licked his lips, which suddenly felt very dry.]

Is this where we kiss?

[He's never even kissed someone on the lips before, this was beyond him.]

[neverwashere]

[All these innocent questions were going to be the death of him, and the vicious grip around his heart seemed to only reinforce the point.

The thing was, kissing Bedivere was very tempting. He still remembered how the strawberry popsicle stained that lovely mouth, and it was oh so easy to imagine Bedivere's matching fluster.

Instead, he reach up to press his index finger on Bedivere's lips with a wink, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.]

Save it for someone you're romantically interested in, hmm? Someone you'd want to stay with or bring along in your journey.

[1stknight]

[That was really unfair. Making his heart flutter like that, only to pull back, it made him feel slightly disappointed. But he didn't say anything about it, and he just nodded. As much as he wanted this to mean something, he was too much of a coward to ask for it.]

Mmm. What do we do instead?

[neverwashere]

[Bedivere's agreement was for the best, he told himself, his mouth lingering a touch too long with only a hair's breadth from that soft cheek.]

Why, we carry on.

[He traced the line of Bedivere's mouth, allowing himself to kiss them only in his imagination, and took the hand resting on his chest into his own, lifting it. Bedivere's fingers were as calloused as he expected, and Dazai ran his thumb over the worn lines of that palm.

Perhaps as a compromise with - or in consolation of - having certain things he couldn't express, he brushed his lips on Bedivere's wrist, raising his gaze to see what reaction he'd get.]

[1stknight]

[Oh, Dazai would get a reaction to be sure. That reaction was to slip his hand down to take Dazai's, and then bring Dazai's hand up to his mouth to kiss the back of it. And then he smiled, showing he knew exactly what he was doing with that kiss.]

So when you say 'no kissing', you mean on the lips. I think I understand.

[neverwashere]

Yes.

[He didn't plan on explaining why. Moreover, he hadn't planned to be the one who was flustered, heart fluttering in his chest as Bedivere assumed the role of a perfect gentleman.

Was this Bedivere actually teasing him, or was Dazai looking too deep into the action for a sign that his jumbled mess of emotions was somehow reciprocated? He didn't dare think on that, choosing to up the game instead by leaning forward to leave a kiss and an experimental lick on the side of Bedivere's neck.]

Since when were you so smooth?